I'm Fine

" I'm fine Mom" are the three words my oldest child has said to me for months.  We have a great relationship and we talk about a lot of things.  She has told me time after time, that she is fine with the fact that her dad and I were separating and would be divorcing in the future.  She wanted to see me happy.  She even stated that it was not a surprise to her because she was wondering when we would be getting divorced.   I thought to myself, okay.  The oldest is good so let me make sure the younger two children were fine.  Especially the youngest because she was initially having a difficult time.  This past Saturday, the opportunity presented its self for the children to go visit Dad at his house for the first time since he left.  The house that all five of us use to live in together.  The first home we purchased.  The girls were so excited to go back to see the house because they had not been there in about six years.  Well,  I should say at least two of them were excited.   The youngest packed up three bags of things she wanted to take to leave at her dad's house and the middle child was just as eager.  The oldest of the group said she wasn't going.  I asked her why ? She stated that it finally hit her that morning that Dad was really gone and that he did not live here anymore.  She did not want to go back to the old house because it might bring back too many memories.  She wasn't sure if she ever wanted to go there to visit.  We talked about it and I encouraged her to please keep the lines of communication open between her dad and myself because years down the road she will not be swinging from a pole with people calling her Cinnamon(I did mention earlier that we talk about a lot of things). They didn't always have the best communication going when they lived under the same the roof so I didn't want it to get worse.  I encouraged her to talk to her dad to let him know how she felt.  Also, I let her know that she does not have to be the " big strong teenager." It was ok to be sad and that she is not in this by herself.  This is an emotional process that she is going through and there will be a day when we all will look back at this time in our lives without tears.  She did talk to him and he said he understood. 

 

Later that evening, I shared with her the fact that I was fearful to take her sisters to the old house.  It was not in my plans to go in at all.  I was just dropping them off and coming back home.  I didn't want to go back into that place that held so many memories (good and bad).  I decided to face my fears and go in.  For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT).  I was fine!  I even sat and talked for a while.  The fear of what I thought I would experience, was greater than what occurred.  She did tell me last night that the next time it was time for a visit with dad, she would go.  I was so glad to hear that.  I know God hears and answers my prayers.  I know that we are truly going to be fine.