Going, Going, Gone

Well, today my husband called me at work to let me know that he would be officially staying at his house now.  I knew this day was coming because we had just talked about it last week.  Even in knowing this, I couldn't help but shed a few tears while he talked.  That big knot welled up in my throat as I tried to hold back the tears.  I thought to myself, why are you telling me this over the phone?  You could have said something this morning when I left the house.  I have to remember that this is not easy for him either.  He just told me last week that he didn't feel the urge to have to rush to move because he loves us and we had not been arguing.   He was supposed to have moved out last year but did not and had set many moving dates that were postponed.  I told our girls this past weekend, that it would probably be the last weekend that Dad would be with us.  The older two girls were good but the youngest cried a little.
My husband does not work a typical 9 to 5 job therefore, some days we would not see him.  But, when I drove into my block this evening and his vehicle was not in the drive way, I knew it wasn't because he was working.  Even the atmosphere in the house felt different to me.  I did sob a few times and I had to stop to ask myself why.  Even though we made this decision together, even though I didn't love him the way I used to, even though I had been waiting to get to our "new normal," it is still a heart aching moment to know that he is really gone.  I will continue to pray for him, our girls, and myself.  Weeping endures for the night but JOY comes in the morning ! There is a brand new life waiting for the girls and me.