Boomerang

Dictionary.com defines boomerang (verb): to recoil or return unexpectedly, causing harm to its originator;backfire
In marriage and life in general, it is so important to be mindful of the way we treat people.  We might lie, cheat, steal, etc. and think that as long as the other person doesn't find out what is the harm?  I can have my cake and eat it too!  After all, I'm paying the bills and making sure everything is okay.  My wife isn't meeting my needs, why can't I have a little fun?  I'm taking care of the household to make sure everyone is fine.  My husband doesn't have time for me.  That's o.k., I will find someone that will.  You may know some people like this or this may be you.  Please be mindful that the negative things that you do to your spouse will most definitely come back to you.  It may take days, weeks, or even years but it will happen and when it does, you will not be able to handle it. 
If you are unhappy in your marriage, communicate with your spouse.  If both of you are willing, work on your problems.  Infidelity is never the way to go and always causes more problems.  If you feel as though you want out and you're not willing to work on the relationship, do yourself and your spouse a favor.  Be honest, stop wasting everyone's time and leave peacefully.  I don't mean move out without saying anything when the person is at work or out of town.  Have a grown up respectful conversation  about the situation.

The wonderful news is that the boomerang effect works for good things as well !
Dictionary.com  also provides another definition of the word boomerang (verb): come back or return, as a boomerang.
For those who are treating their spouses with love, respect, kindness, etc.  This is what you will receive in return. Therefore, it is up to you to decide what will boomerang back in your life so please throw your boomerang wisely.

I welcome your comments.  So please leave one.

Man In The Mirror

Moving Forward is a blog about marital separation, however this week I would like to talk about something that is applicable to all kinds of relationships. Michael Jackson said it best, " I'm starting with the man in the mirror.  I'm asking him to change his ways."  
The past two weeks at work have been very interesting to say the least.  Our supervisor is extremely controlling and thinks that everything she says and does is right.  She claims that she has on open door policy and welcomes ideas but if you make a suggestion or speak up, your idea is shot down and you may become the next one on her hit list.  She is just plain evil. This does not make for a healthy work environment.  On Tuesday and Wednesday, two different people said to me that the thing you dislike in others is something that you have a problem with.  I said to myself  let me take a look at this.  I know that I am not evil and I do not go out of my way to make life miserable for others.  I don't always think I'm right and I welcome the input of others.  That leaves controlling.  I am in no way, shape or form as controlling as my supervisor, but I can have some controlling ways.  I recognize that and I can work at not being so controlling in certain relationships or areas in my life.  Also, I realize that while I pray for myself, I need to pray for her as well because something has happened to her in life that has caused her to be this way.  Instead of being angry with her, I feel sorry for her.
In relationships of all types we often say he is so this or she is so that.  Though these statements may be true about that individual, what is the truth about ourselves?  (as a side note, there are some relationships that are not healthy and are actually dangerous.  I am not talking about these types of relationships) Have we taken the time to look at the man in the mirror and made a change for the better?  Or are we too busy throwing stones from our glass houses?

#WheredoIgofromhere

It has been almost three months since we officially separated and everyone is settling in our"new normal."    So the question is where do I go from here?  I know a lot of people that are separated from their spouses and have moved on with other relationships.  Some have divorces pending and others have not filed.  I also know a person that got engaged before they were even divorced.  Everyone has to do what they believe is best for them.  I feel that some people move forward to other relationships too quickly without healing from the failure of their marriage.  Some don't even take the time to learn from their mistakes. There are some who blame the failure of their marriage completely on the other person (it is never just one person's fault).  What ever the reason for the marital break down, just PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO HEAL, FORGIVE, AND LEARN BEFORE YOU MOVE FORWARD!  Even if your move forward is reconciliation with your spouse.  I can truly testify to this.  My husband and I were separated for 5 years the first time.   When we decided to reconcile, a few days before child number 2 was born, we never took the time to work on the problems that caused us to separate.  One of us wanted to go to counseling, the other one said we did not need counseling, we would be fine.  I guess that plan didn't work out.

 Again I ask, " Where do I go from here?"  The inpatient side of me wants to be in a relationship.  Even though my spouse moved out a little while ago, we were separated living under the same roof for a while. We agreed that we wouldn't see other people while we were living together.  So why shouldn't I get involved with someone else? Other people have done it and they seem to be fine.  I would like to have a movie or dinner date with that special someone.  The reality of the situation is whether or not people believe it, the failure of a marriage is a grieving process just like a death.  It is not fair to your self, children (if you have kids), and the new person of interest to get too serious too soon without healing, forgiving, and learning from the past.  You don't want to bring the baggage of the past into your present.  

So for me as I move forward, I am taking the time to grieve the end of my marriage and grow closer to God to be the best woman I can be and a good role model for my daughters.  I love myself and I will not settle just for anyone and rush into anything.  Love will come again but healing, forgiveness, and wisdom will come first.

Comments are encouraged and welcomed.

Joyful

A few days after my post last week, my spouse became ill.  For all the years that I have known him, he typically does not get really ill.  He was diagnosed as having an upper respiratory infection.  He had a cough that was so bad that he could barely talk.  He was in his house for several days recuperating.  He is doing much better now.  I did call him everyday to check on him and even went to the store for him twice during this time to purchase food and household items that he needed.  I am not writing this because I want recognition.  The purpose of this week's blog is to express my joy.  My joy is not because he was ill.  The joyfulness is because we have over come so much negativity in our marriage to the point that a great friendship has evolved.   Despite the fact the we are separated, our friendship is such that it was my pleasure to offer to help out my friend in his time of need.  Also, joyous because my friend felt secure enough to ask me for help without fear of condemnation.

This journey that we are on has not always been easy emotionally, but I have "JOY" in the fact that we genuinely care about each other.  Also, we understand that sometimes we have to agree to disagree on certain things. We are not one of those couples who separated and detest one another.   Although this journey will eventually end with divorce, no matter what may come our way, I am determined that peace, love, and joy will always have a place to dwell with us.

Comments are welcomed and encouraged so please leave one.  

Happy Anniversary

Today is my 20th wedding anniversary.  I cannot believe that it has been 20 years since I said " I Do."   If someone would have showed me 20 years ago a movie of the current state of our marriage on that sunny April 2nd Saturday afternoon, I would not have believed it and I would have proceeded with the wedding ceremony.  Knowing what I know now,  I have to ask myself, if  I could have a "do over"  would I  get married?  Hind sight is always 20/20 vision.  I can honestly say I would.  Everything that has transpired over the last 20 years has made me the person I am today.  All the good, the bad, and the ugly.
There was a point in my life when I thought God had forgotten about me and that I was being punished for something because my marriage was pure hell.   I hurt so badly that I thought death has got to be better than this awful life.  I was really angry at God and blamed Him for this miserable existence.  At that point, I don't think I even loved myself.  What stopped me from "moving forward" in the wrong direction was I thought about my children.  Is this the memory I wanted to leave for my girls?   I love them too much to do this to them.  The truth is that my heavenly Father loves me too much to inflict pain and suffering on me.  I stopped feeling sorry for myself and playing the blame game because no one ever wins.
 Thank you God for loving me and never giving up on me even when I wanted to give up !
I always end my posting with something positive and today will not be any different.  Today on my 20th wedding anniversary I celebrate the fact that I am the mom to three amazing and talented young ladies, I love the woman I have matured into, and my spouse and I are peacefully Moving Forward!

Comments are welcomed and encouraged.