Let's Get Naked!

I bet you thought that the next few lines were going to be some juicy details of a hook up, NOT!  Now that I have your attention, I would like to talk about being naked and not ashamed.  In our society, it seems as though being separated or divorce comes with some type of stigma.  Somebody must have cheated or they only stayed together for the kids.  These might be reasons why a couple parted ways, but in a lot of relationships the following statement is also true, " We are both good people, but just not good together."  
There are some people that are inherently evil, but I believe that most of us are good people that make mistakes.  Some of these mistakes we can correct and move forward with our marriage.  Unfortunately, there are other mistakes that cause damage to the relationship that is beyond repair.  Hind sight is always 20/20 vision.  We don't get do overs in life, but we can learn from our mistakes to become better and wiser.

I have found that it is o.k. and necessary for us to get naked in front of each other. When we uncover and share our experiences, it helps us to learn and grow. We need each other as people to survive.  Sometimes a person just needs to know that they are not the only one going through a rough time in their marriage.  No marriage is perfect, because we are not perfect people. Even the best marriages had to go through some challenges to become the great marriage it is now.  As you encounter people over the course of your life, you will know who to expose yourself to.  Who needs to hear your story and whose story you need to hear.  Let wisdom lead and guide you and don't be afraid to Get Naked !

I would love you hear your comment, so don't forget to leave one.

Changes

I haven't posted in a few weeks, but I'm back and with a new look!  I hope that I was missed because I did miss blogging. I felt that it was time for Moving Forward to have a new look.  Every healthy thing grows and changes over time.  This includes marriages and relationships.  They should grow and change positively as time goes on because as people, we should be evolving and changing for the better as long as we live.  I wrote in a previous blog posting that lack of communication is a major problem in relationships.  I firmly believe that failure to accept change is another factor that leads to the downfall of many relationships.  Let's be clear on what I mean.  I am not talking about negative change that could be a detriment to yourself or your family (substance abuse, infidelity,etc).  Positive changes like losing weight to become a healthier you or going back to school to further your education.  It is not good to try to stifle someone else because of your own fears and insecurities.  Change and grow with them or they will grow and move on without you.

We should be like the caterpillar.  They start off in a worm like state.  Moving slowly on the ground just going about its business.  Nibbling here and there on leaves but not really doing much.  At a certain point in their lives, it is time for change.  They spin into their cocoon and undergo an amazing metamorphosis and emerge as a beautiful butterfly.  Better than ever!


Your comments are welcomed.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Independence Day

Just as a new relationship goes through phases, so does the end of a relationship.  I know that I am in the acceptance phase.  Accepting that the marriage is over and that the next move is to file for divorce when the legal waiting period is over.  This has been a reality for me for a while but there have been some events that have occurred that have made me completely sure that this is the best option for me.  It seems as though my estranged spouse is stuck in the denial phase.  I pray that as we move forward through this process, that he too moves into acceptance.  I would like to maintain a friendship with him but sometimes he seems to have difficulty navigating through the separation.  I expect him to call and check on his children, however holding lengthy conversations with me that don't involve matters about our kids is not necessary. Making plans with the kids and trying to include me is not moving forward.  We should maintain a positive relationship with each other because we have children together and we will always be in each others lives. He has to accept the fact that the family dynamics are different now.  Spending time with the children does not need to include me.  It feels like the more I move forward with my independence, the more he wants to cling.

The children and I had a "first moment" since the separation.  This evening was the first time that we went to dinner at a restaurant without Dad.  We had a really nice time.  No one was on their cellphone.  We actually talked and enjoyed each other's company.  This wasn't always the case in the past.  I look forward to many other first moments with them.  

My birthday is July 4th, Independence Day in America (Happy Birthday to Me!) This independence day birthday has special significance to me.  I have grown a lot since last year's birthday.  I have not accomplished all that I had planned, but I can confidently say that I will not stop until I do.  I am not living in the past, I only learn from it and use past mistakes or hurts to become better.  One day in the near future, I will be like the founding fathers signing my Declaration of Independence.  By that time, I pray that the other founding father is in agreement because there will not be a war.

Comments are encouraged and welcomed so please leave one.