More than Words

 Although the tongue is one of the smaller parts of our body, it has the ability to do some serious damage.  Proverbs 18:21 says that death and life are in the power of the tongue.  Words are very powerful !  We have the ability to lift someone up or tear them down with the words we speak.  It would be wise to use words carefully because once words are spoken, you cannot take them back.  An apology does not always make things better because you meant what you said at the moment you said it.  As kids we used to say sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me -not true.  Words can cut deeper than a knife.

During the course of my relationship with my spouse, there were some hurtful things that we said to one another.  There is a saying that states, you hurt the ones you love.  Although that may be the truth for some, I learned another truth.  I became wiser over time and discovered that you can agree to disagree with someone.   Also, you don't have to say hurtful things when having a disagreement.  

I am so grateful that my husband and I have matured in this area and that neither one of us is acting like an "itch" because of the separation.  This past weekend, I had to make a financial decision.  Even though we are separated, I asked for his advice.  The words he spoke were true words of wisdom and they helped me make my decision.  This only happened because we speak kind words to one another and don't try to tear the other one down.  No good ever comes from verbally abusing someone. You might win the fight, but you will surely lose the war.  

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Living or Existing

Are you living or are you existing?  This is a question that I asked myself.  The answer is that for the first time in my life, I am LIVING!  Some may think, that is a silly statement.  Of course you are living.  How could you not be living when you are writing this weekly blog?  To that I say, I had been existing on this earth for many years.  Yes, there have been joyous times in my life and pleasurable experiences.  But as I look back over my adult years, I was primarily existing.  Same routine everyday (being a mom, wife, errands, chores, etc).  I was so busy taking care of everything, I only stopped to live once in a while.  I have learned that you only get one chance to live your life.  You must make the best of every situation.  We can not control everything that happens to us, but we do have control in how we respond.  I could dwell in the fact that I wasted too many years not enjoying life, but what good would that do.  I live by the fact that it is never to late to change your life.  No matter how old you are, as long as you still have breath in your body you can live!  Instead of existing in defeat, I choose to speak life over myself and my situation.  Should have, would have, and could have are a group of people I stopped hanging around a while ago.

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Thankful

It has been a month since we separated.  Although we lived separate lives under the same roof for a few years, it is totally different when you live apart.  To quote Pharrell Williams from his song-Happy, "It might seem crazy what I'm about to say," but I am thankful for this experience.  Why am I thankful you might ask?  It's not because I have a new love interest or that I don't have to hear loud snoring in my ear (well maybe I am thankful for that).  It is because I am a new me!

The first time we separated years ago, I was by myself. Initially,we did not have any children.  A few months after we separated, I became pregnant.  I could not believe that this was happening.  I thought why would God allow this to happen and my husband and I were not together? Shouldn't the moment when you find out your expecting your first child with your husband be a joyous one? Well, in a perfect world it would be but life is not perfect.  I was angry, scared and lonely.  This is not what I signed up for.  Where was my happily ever after?  Apparently it was only in the Disney movies.  This was the old me.

I am truly thankful for the more positive me.  Years ago I thought it was hard with one child and  I did not know if I would be able to handle it.  This time around there are three and I am thankful for them. They are really doing well.  Of course they miss their dad but there have not been any major problems.  They enjoy the time that they spend with him. 

This time around I know that we will be fine.  I traded in angry, scared, and lonely for happy,courageous, and peaceful. I like the person I see when I look in the mirror and the woman that I am developing into.  I look forward to making new memories and having good times.  Also, I look forward to a bright future with  anticipation that great things are coming our way.  Is everyday going to be a happy one?  Of course not.  But I am thankful that I have learned over the years that when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  It will be as sweet or sour as I choose it to be.  I like my lemonade sweet!

  

Snow Days

I looked out the window yesterday to see what another east coast snow storm had left behind.  I did not look forward to shoveling snow.  The kids and I went outside.  Everyone was doing their part to get this accomplished.  The snow wasn't actually that deep and it was very light and easy to move.  It didn't take long to see concrete on my walkway, driveway and steps.  I put off shoveling for hours because I didn't feel like being bothered but it had to be done. I couldn't help but think that this is how some of us deal with marriages or even relationships in general.  The snow (our problems)  falls on the ground (our marriages or relationships) and it covers up a nice clean surface.  We make excuses why we don't want to shovel at the moment (that is deal with our problems).  It's too cold, I'm tired,or I will deal with it later.  The excuses are endless.  If only we would have shoveled earlier, the snow would have been easier to move.  Or, I should say  if only we had dealt with our problems together earlier, the marriage may not have  come to this place.

Just as I stated earlier, "everyone was doing their part to get this accomplished."  I want to say that you can not make an adult shovel if they don't want to.  You think, that when you say the words "I Do," you have a shoveling partner.  Unfortunately, that is not always the case.  Being in the middle of the snow storm is not the right time to find out if your spouse is willing to shovel.  Regarding my husband and myself, I will not say which one of us didn't want to shovel  because it's not about blaming anyone.  What I am saying is that before you take that walk down the aisle, please make sure that you have a partner who is willing to help you shovel through the snow storms, even blizzards in your marriage.   Be advised, you don't have to shovel because eventually all the snow and ice will melt away.  Spring will come, the flowers will bloom and you forget about all that snow that was once on your lawn.  But, the summer heat always follows Spring !