Don't Be A Victim!

I heard a quote from the movie “The Fault in Our Stars” that I thought was very powerful.  “You don’t get a choice of getting hurt in this world but you do get a choice of who you let hurt you.”

I can remember there were many times in my marriage that I considered myself a victim.  I played the role very well.  Every time he did something wrong, I would get angry ONCE AGAIN because I felt that I had been wronged by him.  Once I got my point across and he apologized, I felt as though I had been vindicated.  I can honestly say that sometimes I did not want to forgive because I felt as though he didn't deserve my forgiveness or that I would be perceived as being weak if I forgave him.    I did not want to forgive him because sometimes I felt as though he just apologized to shut me up.  I used to think that If I forgive him, he will just trample over my feelings again.  I would forgive because as a Christian, that is what I am required to do.  In hind sight, I wasn't truly forgiving because I didn't let go of the anger. I knew what the scriptures said about forgiveness but I thought surely God you have to make an exception for me. Didn't you see what he did? I didn't understand that sometimes forgiveness is a process and it does not always happen immediately.  Years later I began to understand that I was wrong not to forgive him.  If I expect my heavenly Father to forgive me, then I have to be forgiving of others and stop keeping count of the number of times I have forgiven by storing mental hash marks.  I eventually began to understand that learning to forgive is for my benefit. It frees you up from that built up negativity and pain so you can move forward in the healing process.  I also understand that sometimes you may not ever get the apology that you are expecting but you still forgive anyway for your on well being and peace of mind.  Also, I believe that unforgiveness leads to ugliness on the outside as well.   Years ago, people used to ask me , "Why do you look so mean?"  I didn't understand what they were talking about.  It wasn't until years later that I realized my outward appearance started resembling what I looked like on the inside. 
 I never took the time to think that maybe the problem was with me and not always with him.   People can only do to you what you allow them to. True forgiveness does not mean we revert to being the victim.  Forgiveness is not saying it is okay so you can walk all over me.  Yes, God wants us to forgive others.  However, God does not require us to be door mats.  He wants us to forgive because it frees us and makes us better people.  Leave the vengeance to Him!