Back To School

School time has come once again for the girls and myself.  We were separated for part of the last school year but at the start of this year it's just me.  Even when we were together, he was not as actively involved with schooling as I was so not too much has changed in that area. The difference now is that when I was filling out paper work that children bring home the first week (emergency information, etc.), there are now two different addresses on the forms.  It felt kind of weird writing a different address on the parent #2 line instead of writing same as above for the first time ever (our oldest is in the 11th grade).  However, this is our reality now.  I wasn't upset or angry.  It was just a reminder that we really are separated but doing fine.  

I look at our children and I am so thankful that they have really adjusted well to our new normal. Even birthdays for the girls this year was different.  Instead of a card from Dad and Mom, we each gave our own cards and presents. I jokingly said to one of the girls who celebrated a birthday recently, that it pays to have parents that are separated because you  now receive two gifts instead of one.  She laughed and said it does.

The blessing for us is that because of his work schedule, over the years he has missed first day of school, birthdays, holidays, school performances, etc. so  it is not out of the norm for us when Dad is not around.  He works in a profession that does not have the typical 9 to 5 Monday-Friday work schedule.  I will say that I was pleasantly surprised to see that even though he was working a 24 hour work shift on the first day of school, he was able to take some time from work to see the girls for a few moments.  When I arrived at the middle school to pick up one of my girls, daddy was standing there waiting with her.  It was a pleasant sight.  That was something that he had never done in the past.  Being separated can lead to a positive change in a person.  When you are not bitter, you grow and become better.

Comments are welcomed and encouraged so please leave one. 

Whatcha Doing?

The positive side of being separated is that it gives you time to think and work on you.  I tend to focus on positive things.  When negative thoughts come to mind (and they do from time to time) about my separation or something that my spouse does that I do not like, I don't entertain them.   It is perfectly natural for negativity, doubt or confusion to surface from time to time.  After all I am human.  I can say that because I don't entertain the negativity, it goes away quickly.  If you dwell on the negative you will get more negative. I focus my thoughts and energy on more positive things and I attract more positive things in my life.  If you doubt that the laws of attraction work, just put it to the test.  Here is an example that we all can relate to.  I think it is safe to say that all of us know someone is who a drama King or Queen or this person may be you.  Something is always going wrong in their life.  As soon as one thing ends, something else begins.  Even when  something good does happen for them, it somehow ends up with drama.  It is so draining to even have a conversation with them.  I tend to stay away from people like this because it is too toxic for me.  The drama is never ending because as much as they complain about it, they love it!  They can not function if drama is not around in their lives.  This is where their focus lies (even subconsciously).  This is what they attract.

To stay positive and focused while separated, I would recommend counseling or a support group if necessary.   Developing a hobby if you don't have one or improving on the one you currently have.  Also, reading a wonderful weekly blog such as Moving Forward  for inspiration and support is another option (:-)  These are just a few suggestions, there are countless other options.  Take the time to discover who you really are and what you want out of life.  Whether or not you decide to reconcile with your spouse, positive self improvement is always a step in the right direction.  So whatcha doing?

I look forward to hearing from you so please leave a comment.  

   

Strong Muscles

I recently started working out at a gym for the first time ever in life.   Even though my muscles were extremely sore when I first started and my legs hurt when I walked, I continued to work through the pain.  I was determined not to give up because I have to lose weight for my health ( I have high blood pressure and I am a boarder line diabetic.  Both are weight induced).  I have put this off for too long. Just eating healthy is not enough for my body.  I have to exercise in order for the scale to move in a downward spiral.   When I don't carry the extra weight my blood pressure and glucose level are normal without medication.   I cannot keep doing the same thing ( that is not exercise ) and expect different results.  That is called insanity.   My  muscles are not as sore as they were last week and I haven't seen a significant weight loss yet.  However, I do have more energy and my body is starting to feel differently.  I am certain that as long as the equipment at the gym remains in working condition and I do my part by showing up to work out and eat healthy, the weight loss will happen.

One morning after leaving the gym, I started thinking about sore muscles, being unhealthy and marriages.  I thought to myself, some marriages are like sore muscles.  What I mean is that my muscles are sore because I have not exercised in a very long time.  The soreness means that they are being worked.  They are becoming stronger and leaner.  There will come a time when my muscles are not sore and the work out will be too easy.  At that point it will be time for me to increase the resistance or change the routine in order to continue with my weight loss goal.

 A marriage with serious problems is like a muscle.   Muscles become stronger with exercise or will become weak for a lack thereof.  I will use my marriage as an example.  We had some major problems and didn't address them.  Some good times, more struggle times.   Just as I let my weight increase and high blood pressure and diabetes surfaced, not addressing our issues was unhealthy for us.  Arguing, growing apart, and dislike became our diseases. We lived for a long time with the illnesses and they lead to where we are now.  We didn't exercise to strengthen our marriage (the muscle).  Instead of becoming stronger and leaner, it became weak and worn out. It became terminally ill.   In order to survive we had to start individual work out routines.

My advice to those who are in marital discord and want to become healthy is to exercise.  If you and your spouse are willing, stretch those muscles!  They will be sore at first, but over time the soreness will decrease.   You will see a change to a stronger and healthier marriage.  When you're no longer sore, change things up a little to make sure you stay in great physical condition.   If you decide you would rather exercise alone, that is perfectly fine as well.  Just make sure you don't over exert yourself and pull a muscle.

Your comments are welcome.  I encourage you to leave one.