IT IS FINISHED!

We had the hearing on yesterday and we are now divorced.  It went as peacefully as I had prayed for.  We actually met with my attorney a month prior and prepared a consent order so the judge would not have to make any decisions for us.  Some things we did not agree on, however we did come up with an agreement that we both could live with.   On the morning before the divorce hearing, I was a little sad and did shed a few tears.  The marriage was about to be officially over.  My aunt, who was my witness, asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this.  I even asked myself the same question as I sat in my car waiting for her to come out of the house so we could make our way to court.  The answer was, "Yes, I am sure. We have a great friendship now.  Better than we ever had during our 22 years of marriage. I would rather have the great friend that I have now, then remain married and we can't stand each other." We could not stay stuck in marital separation.  We had been separated for over a year and were not working towards reconciliation.  It was time to move forward and file for the divorce.

After I was in the courtroom, the feeling of sadness left.  The funny thing is my ex-husband said that he too had shed a few tears before court and then felt better upon arriving in the courtroom.  After the hearing, he treated us to lunch.  We actually had a great time.  I was thinking , I wonder how many other couples do this after their divorce hearing.  Well,  I'm glad that we have a friendship in which we could do this.  I never imagined that being separated and going through divorce would bring us closer as friends.  We went through some growing pains during this process but I honestly believe that we are now wiser and more mature after going through it.  I am ready to Move Forward into my next level in life and I pray for nothing but the best for him.

The title of this post has a dual meaning.  Not only is the marriage finished,  but this will be my last blog post for Moving Forward.  The blog will remain up because my assignment is to  help others by sharing my experience as  I went through my process.  This part of my life is now over and I have Moved Forward and peacefully divorced.  It is time to focus on new things.  Life is full of unlimited possibilities and opportunities.  I have faith that new doors are opening for me because I am now in the right position to walk through them.

No matter how bad things seem, believe in faith that they will get better and they will.  Keep the Faith, Stay Positive, and Move Forward!

JUMP!!!

Yesterday, one of my friends shared with me the link from Family Feud when Steve Harvey shared some words of wisdom with the audience regarding being successful.  He stated that every successful person in life has taken that jump (leap of faith) and opened their parachute (our God given gifts) to become successful.  They encountered some challenges and may even have gotten hurt along the way, but eventually that parachute opened.  They are living and not just existing.  If you have not seen the video, I would recommend that you view it.  It is awesome! Even if you have seen it previously, it may be time to view it again for encouragement and inspiration. Then today, my Pastor posted on Instagram, "There can be no real fulfillment in our life unless we are fulfilling our life assignment."   God is really speaking loudly!

After taking another look at the video, I started to reflect over my life. The date of our 22nd year of marriage is approaching and so is the divorce hearing.  At times, I can be hard on myself thinking I should be further ahead in life or doing something for a living that is more fulfilling.  Yes, the choices and decisions I have made brought me to this current phase in my life.  I take ownership of it, but I also know that this uncomfortable place is not my destiny.  It is helping me to reach my destiny.  I also realized that I have JUMPED!!! I made that brave move and I filed for divorce.  We now have a better friendship than we ever had as husband and wife.  Also, God is using me in his Kingdom in ways that I never imagined.  I JUMPED!!! Two years ago, I jumped and opened my parachute and started this blog as a place of comfort and support for those going through separation and/or divorce because the struggle is real !  I may not have a million or even 20 followers on my blog but I know it is helping somebody other than myself ( I know this is one of my life assignments)  When the divorce is final, I will JUMP again because there are still parachutes I have not opened yet!  As Steve Harvey says, I have been beat up against the rocks and my parachute did not always open but I JUMPED.  One day that successful entrepreneur that lives on the inside of me will come to fruition as well as a successful marriage!

I encourage you to JUMP as well.  Make sure that when you  jump, your parachute is not loaded with "stuff" that won't allow it to open.

Emotions

When I filed for divorce last year, I naively thought that it would be over in a few months.  I learned that this is not how this thing works.  Recently, I received a text from my attorney advising me that a court date has been scheduled.  I looked at the text message for a while before I actually responded to it.  Even though I knew the time would come and I sometimes impatiently waited (just being honest) for news regarding a hearing date, I was caught off guard.  Hmm??? Well, I guess this is really happening now.  Although I'm not in love, I do love him.  If  just loving someone was enough, I guess no one would ever get divorced.  It is bitter sweet but this is a part of the process in Moving Forward and I am ready.

I am learning that each step in the divorce process brings a different type of emotion.  Even if you initiate the divorce proceedings, it is still emotional.  God made us emotional beings so they serve a purpose and aid in the healing process so don't suppress them, just flow with them.  If you ever feel as though your emotions are getting the best of you, it is good to seek medical intervention.  God gifted some to be physicians and they were placed here in the earth to help. Unfortunately in some ethnic groups, you are perceived to be "crazy" and might be criticized  if you see a therapist or a psychiatrist.  Personally, I think it takes a really strong person to admit they have a problem and seek help for it. Self examination is a difficult but necessary task.  The real "crazy" people are those who don't seek help and continue to live a miserable existence and make things chaotic for everyone around them.

Changing Lanes

Lately, my estranged husband has been on my mind.  I don’t want to reconcile, but I find myself reminiscing about fun times and funny moments that we had with the girls.  I'm pretty sure this is a part of that emotional roller coaster you experience when going through divorce.  It is true what they say about an idle mind.  I will be honest and admit that there have been days when I think “Am I doing the right thing?” Even though we are in a good space, I have to check myself and remember the reasons we are not together and why I filed for divorce.  We have changed for the better as people,but some of the issues cannot be repaired.  Just because you are good people does not mean that you are good together.  You have to forgive yourself and the other person to be free and just move on.   I am definitely not trying to live in the past or open up old wounds.  I just want to make sure I am changing lanes safely. On the road of life (just like driving a car) in order to change lanes safely, you have to do a quick head check to make sure the way is clear and that there are no obstacles in your way as you change lanes and proceed to Move Forward.