I have officially
started the process to dissolve my marriage. This is part of the process
of moving forward (no pun intended). We should not continue
to stay separated because we are not working towards reconciliation. It
has been over 1 year as the court requires and it is time for closure. Even
though I do not want to reconcile with him, I felt sad after meeting with the
attorney. The sadness comes from grieving the death of the marriage.
It is really hard to put into words but if you have been through divorce,
you know exacting what I'm talking about. To be completely honest, I even
felt a little apprehensive telling my estranged spouse that the divorce process
has started and he would be getting served soon with the paper work. I
recognized that it was fear (false evidence appearing real).
I wanted to tell him so he wasn't blind sided when he received the
certified mail. Months ago we discussed divorce and he told me that he would
not contest it but I would have to file. I pray that this process is
peaceful and quick. Going through this process re-emphasizes the fact
that it is so important to choice wisely when picking a mate. It is difficult
emotionally and often times financially when you separate and divorce.
There are exceptions to every rule but for most of us, we see the warning
signs in the other person and ourselves before we get married. However, we
choice to ignore them and get married anyway.
I am glad that I have become a better woman instead of a bitter one.
Secondly, there is
something else that I would like to discuss. Starting relationships when
you are still married but separated phase. It seems to be the "new
normal." We see it on reality t.v., the movies and in real life.
People are quick to tell you that the easiest way to get over a
relationship is to get on with a new one. There are people who start
other relationships while separated and some who are even engaged to others
when they are still legally married to someone else. That may work for
some, but this does not work for me. To quote a line from one of my favorite
songs, "Am I Wrong" by Nico and Vinz " I
ain't trying to do what everybody else doing, just cause everybody doing what
they all do. If one thing I know, I'll fall but I'll grow. I am walking
down this road of mine this road that I call home."
I feel that I have an
obligation to myself and my daughters to set a good example. When I do start
dating, it won't be as a woman who is still legally married. You can live
separate from your spouse or even have a legal separation agreement but the
truth of the matter is that you are still married until the divorce has been
granted. It is not my intent to offend anyone but I don't believe that
starting a new relationship is a good idea when you are still legally married.
Each of us has our own belief and value systems. We all walk our
own walk and do what we feel is right. This is my walk. Sometimes, I feel
like I am in the minority. It is as though something is wrong with me
because I don't have a "boyfriend" or dating someone. What ever
happened to healing from a broken marriage so you don't make the same mistakes
or carry baggage into the next relationship? Even my soon to be
ex-husband asked me I was starting divorce proceedings because I was getting
married. I am not even seeing any one. I will say this, I will not
live as society expects me to live. I will continue to live as God wants
me to live. I know that doing the right thing is not always easy or the
popular thing. I want to be loved and love someone too. I even want
to get married again. However, I have lived long enough to know that
doing the right thing ALWAYS pays off in the end. The
rewards are much greater and worth the wait!
